25. The High Road Sucks.

Mr. Anonymous was nothing if not relatively time-sensitive. In fact, he responded within 2 hours.

From: anonymous [mailto:husbandishavinganaffair@gmail.com]

Sent: Friday, December 18, 11:14 AM

To: Penelope

Subject: RE: This is (so not) difficult to say...

Absolutely. I understand, as my situation is also delicate (and parallel in more ways than one :).

Please let me know the best way to handle a call when you're ready.

Ah, so it IS you, Mr. Bellydancer, I thought, as I read the email response. Well. Okay, then.

I wasn't ready to talk to him. I had my eye on a singular prize: a January divorce. I was going to have my divorce finalized on the first weekday in January, so that I could file joint taxes for the year I was in, and still get the divorce done as quickly as possible. Two weeks, I figured, roughly two weeks. I could wait.

So I figured I'd write back right away, letting Mr. Anonymous know my exact timeframe.

From: "Penelope"

Date: Fri, 18 Dec 11:24:32 -0800

To: anonymous
Conversation: This is (so not) difficult to say...
Subject: RE: This is (so not) difficult to say...

Thanks, I appreciate that. I do have one question for you with respect to timing: do you have a specific date by which you'd like to talk and potentially receive the information you need?

I'm asking because I anticipate having my divorce finalized in court the week of Jan. 4. I am wondering if perhaps it might be better if I wait until after that date to speak with you. Would that work for you? As you can probably tell, I'm extremely excited at the prospect of no longer being married, and want to be cautious about rocking the boat until then. :)

With respect to how to handle a call, I have a personal conference line - seems like the most logical way for both of us to proceed. I can give you that call-in info once we settle on timing.

His response, once again, came within hours.

From: anonymous [mailto:husbandishavinganaffair@gmail.com]
Sent: Friday, December 18, 2:48 PM
To: Penelope
Subject: RE: This is (so not) difficult to say...

Sounds good, Penelope. Let's chat once your situation is finalized. Thank you.

Ever solicitous, this Mr. Anonymous. (Kind of reminded me of D, when he was trying to get something he wanted. And D would become even more like that post-divorce - but more on that later.)

Against the backdrop of D leaving the next morning for Cityville with the bellydancer for a weekend of bellydancing and who knows what all else, I found this recent development with Mr. Anonymous nothing short of elating. Finally, I thought - I will know for sure who this motherfucker/angel is, and I will be able to put all of this to rest! I can't tell you how good it felt, just to think about being the kind of person who would use him to get back at the bellydancer and D.

I say "think about being the kind of person" because, realistically, I'm not a rabble-rouser. Getting in trouble makes me sick to my stomach. The thrill of these moments was rooted in their impossibility. I could never be that person.

And that really, really pissed me off.

The high road is simply exhausting. So what if I wanted to take an imaginary detour every once in a while? I was entitled, I figured. I'd followed the letter of the law in everything related to the divorce. I was a pretty fine mom. I worked hard. I made sure D was provided for in the financials, short of giving him alimony.

So that evening, when D came over to drop off Little One from one of his pre-arranged manny visits with her (I called him the manny - male nanny - regularly, but never to his face), I was feeling rather happy. It was odd, since "happy" was not an emotion I'd felt very much when D was around, not for a long time.

And thus began the final Big Fight of 2009: where D accused me of being "smug" and "untrustworthy." Yep, really. I'll get to that in the next post.