1. Welcome to the insanity!

I am a woman with much ridiculousness to share.

It all started with a text message, found on my husband's cell phone. At 6:58am. On a Thursday. As per usual, my husband was upstairs in bed while I was downstairs with our little one.

BUZZ went D's phone, sitting on our worn kitchen countertop. BUZZ went my worry alarm. Surely, if someone was texting my husband at 6:58am, someone surely must have died. Or worse, it was his mother.

So opened it, I did. Opened the phone, saw a message from Sally, my husband's newly found old friend from college. (Score one for Facebook.) And what did I read there?

"morning sunshine. *rolls over and rubs hip bone and belly with yours*"

My heart is thumping as I type this. Much as it did when I, phone in hand, raced upstairs, stood above my husband, still lying in bed, and stated:

"You have received a text message from Sally, which we are going to have to talk about. Now."

I think the blood may have drained from his face but really, when one is turning on one's heel to leave a room with a flourish, one does not have time to watch the reaction of the flourishee.

Did I mention that my parents, at that very moment, were already on a plane flying cross-country to visit their darling daughter?